Dr. Seuss of Wine: How Grgich Saved Christmas
Dr. Seuss was the one of the most influential writers of our times. Everyone grew up learning the English language through the rhymes of Dr. Seuss. It was the way I learned to eat a sound breakfast, green eggs and ham. I searched for a long time deep in abandoned libraries and found these lost works of Dr. Seuss. Interestingly enough, the collection focused on wine! Imagine that, Dr. Seuss was a Oenophile. Here is his classic Christmas tale of how Grgich saved Christmas. Thanks to Dr. Seuss we now know how wine came to be served at Christmas time.
________________________________________________________________________________________
HOW GRGICH SAVED CHRISTMAS
Every dude
Down in Dude-ville
Liked beer a whole lot…
But the Grgich,
A Croatian north of Dude-ville
Did NOT!
The Grgich drank wine! Especially at Christmas time!
Now, no one knows why. Not even Mr. Grime.
It could be that he liked the oak which he used.
It could be, perhaps, his friend Cameron Hughes.
A man who drank wine in the fall
Or maybe beer made him bloated and dull.
But,
Whatever the reason,
The oak or Cameron Hughes,
He stood there on Christmas eve, hating the dudes.
Glaring from the cellar with his mustache in the way
Wondering “why can’t they drink, Chardonnay”?
He knew that every Dude in Dude-ville down below
Was cooking fish, steaks and hanging mistletoe.
“And they’re gonna drink stouts!” he snarled with a sneer.
“Tomorrow is Christmas! And all they drink is beer!”
Then he growled, he bit his lip and started crying,
“So much beer on Christmas, this is unnerving!”
For, tomorrow, he knew…
…All the dudas and duders
Would wake up bright and early and fill their growlers!
And then! Oh the burps! Oh, the Burps! Burps! Burps! Burps!
That’s one thing he hated! The BURPS! BURPS! BURPS! BURPS!
Then the Dudes, young and old, would sit down and drink.
And they’d drink! And they’d Drink!
And they’d DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!
They would start with Belgium wheat, and within a blink
Be on to porter and throwing up in the sink!
And THEN
They’d do something he liked least of all!
Every dude in dude-ville, the tall and the small,
Would look at the time, and drink in a hurry
Santa was near, but they started slurring!
They’d slur! And they’d slur!
AND they’d SLUR! SLUR! SLUR! SLUR!
And the more Grgich thought of the dudes still slurring
The more Grgich thought, “I must stop beer from pouring!
“Why did I come from Croatia to the Dude’s land now?
I MUST stop these dudes from drinking!
…But how?”
Then he got an idea!
A great idea!
GRGICH
GOT A STRAIGHT, GREAT IDEA!
“I know just what to do!” Grgich laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Santa Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked. “What a great Croatian trick!
“With this coat and this hat, I’ll look just like Saint Nick!”
“All I need is the right wine…”
Grgich searched around.
But since his wine was in oak, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grgich…?
No! Grgich simply said
“If the wine is in oak, I’ll bottle it instead!”
So he siphoned some red right through the neck!
Pushed in the cork! and screamed, “CHECK!”
THEN
He loaded some whites
and Roses for tonight
On a toboggan he rode
With the wine cinched up tight.
It was a quarter past dawn…
all the Dudes, still in bed
All the dudes, still a snooze
When he packed up his sled,
Packed it with Pint glasses! The kegs! The Pilsners!
The hops! And the barley! The wheat! The growlers!
Three thousand feet up! Up Spring Mountain summit,
He rode to the tip top and dumped it!
“Doo-Doo to the Dudes!” There’s no more beer drinking.
“Christmas is here, They’ll only be wine sipping.
“They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
“All the Dudes down in Dude-ville will cry Boo-Hoo!”
“That’s my plan,” grinned Grgich,
“It’s going my way!”
“When they cry, I’ll pour out my Chardonnay!
He heard a sound increasing down below
It started in low. Then it started to grow…
The sound was very sad!
Why, the Dudes must be crying!
For it was so!
They were all whining!
He started down the hill.
With his wine along his side.
Gave them a shake!
And held them up with pride!
Every Dude in Dude-ville, the tall and the small,
Gazed at Grgich dumbfounded and all!
Their beer was gone, but wine was coming!
It came!
Somehow or other, it continued running!
Grgich pulled the corks and began to pour,
First one glass, then her glass, then his glass, and then four
It came with color! White, red and gold!
It came with tannins, it was very bold!
The Dudes puzzled three hours, till their puzzler was soar.
This wine was something they hadn’t had before!
“Maybe Christmas is not for beer to pour
Maybe Christmas…perhaps…needs wine a bit more!”
And what happened then…?
Well…in Dude-ville they say
That Grgich’s great wine
Came to save the day!
The minute that beer was taken out of sight
The Dudes found the drink that would last them through the night!
Grgich brought more wine! They had stopped burping!
And they…
…They themselves…!
Refrained from puking!
